In The Beginning…
So, here I am… At the beginning of a great journey that I am so delighted to be on. A weekend in a convention center room filled with over 2,000 Latter-Day Saint women and overflowing with the Spirit is where really begins.
The speaker was Julie De Azevedo Hanks. And the topic? Developing Your Most Authentic Self. The questions presented to the crowd, “What do you want for your life?”, “What brings you joy?”. More specifically, as a child what brought you joy? We were taught that the answers to these questions are clues to our life’s mission…our most authentic self.
As I pondered this question of what in my childhood brought me joy I was, at first glance, at a loss for words. Almost brought to tears. But as Julie spoke to the group, and the Spirit spoke to my heart, something began to be revealed to me. Something I maybe should have recognized a long time ago. Something that I felt was so very true. And I felt in my heart that NOW was the time to realize who I am.
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Have you ever sat alone, or in a group setting, and recognized the gifts and talents of the women in your life? The woman who can make home decor out of anything. The woman who’s kids come to Church with perfect hair and in dresses that she has sewn. The woman who is so versed with the Scriptures that you find yourself envying her and wondering where she finds the time. The woman who has the perfectly clean house no matter what time of day you stop in to pay a visit. The woman who makes a beautiful handout every month for the woman she visit teaches. The woman you sit behind in sacrament that sings so much like an angel that it brings you to joyful tears. The list is endless. You love these women! You are grateful to have them in your life, but you feel as though you could never be who they are or do the great things that they do. And you are left asking, “What is MY talent? What is the gift that Heavenly Father has blessed me with? What can I contribute to the world? What is my life’s mission?”
{Ok, maybe I am the only one who has ever felt this way or questioned my own self worth. ;0) }
I know in my mind that I am a daughter of God, that I have a purpose and that we are all given gifts and talents different from the other women in our lives. I know that I have something to contribute, but what?
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As I sat in that enormous room, filled with so many women with so much to offer. As I pondered these questions, “What do you want for your life?”, “What brings you joy?”, the Spirit touched me and it was revealed in a subtle but powerful way.
The memory of being a little girl and writing poems, my seventh grade creative writing teacher who always put such encouraging notes on my stories. The talks for Church that I love to write and that I KNOW don’t come from my own brain but rather from the Spirit. As these thoughts and memories filled my mind I began to feel the joy that writing brings me. I began to recognize the Lord’s hand on mine as I pen words with no known origin. And as I drove home alone from the event, I had time to ponder even further the personal revelations revealed to me earlier that day.
I have always had such a hunger to help people, to counsel them and to help them see the truths that I have so far been shown. I have for years had a desire to help others to find “healing”, but never could discover just how to do that. I have dabbled in physical healing and emotional healing, and even though I enjoy and am drawn to many different aspects of the word “healing”, none of them have ever solidified with me. With none of them have I ever felt as though it was my life’s mission.
Combining in my mind what had just been opened up to me and the aspiration I have had to help people, I came to a conclusion…Write! Write to heal, write to help, write the words of my heart. Even as I type the words the Spirit testifies to me that this is what I need to do at this time in my life. Write for all to see, and maybe… m,aybe there is someone I can help to find peace. Maybe there are many, maybe just one, and maybe the only person who will get any healing at all out of my writing is ME. And that’s ok. Why? Because I am doing what I know the Lord has told me to do and the rest is up to Him.
The Importance of Scripture Study
This topic was a little concerning to me as I sat down to start writing. I have a strong testimony of daily scripture study, but it’s something that I have just come to know the importance of. It’s not necessarily a topic I have pondered. I know how important it is to connect with Heavenly Father thorough His word on a daily basis. That doesn’t mean though, that I am always as diligent at it as I know I should be. I don’t really recognize the impact daily scripture study has on my life until I go a day or so without it. My countenance changes, my attitude changes, I don’t feel like “me”. And it usually takes twice as long to recover myself than it did to lose it.
I know that my personal calling in this mortal existence is to be the mother to great men, great warriors, great leaders. And after the messages we heard a few weeks ago in our Stake Conference, from both the Young Men and Young Women’s General Presidents, about how our youth ARE the Stripling Warriors, I know without a doubt that my feelings are true. Why were the Stripling Warriors so great? Because their mothers “knew it”. Their mothers knew truth and taught it to their children.
I see truth as a puzzle. You can’t have one piece of information and see the whole picture. You can’t read one history book and know all about the past. You can’t watch one football game and know all of the players. When thousands of pieces of truth are scattered over the table top, the task of putting them together in a way that causes the big picture to become more clear seems overwhelming. But, as you stare at the chaos before you, as you study the pieces individually, you begin to see patterns. You begin to see similarities. You see that there are several pieces that are the color of the sky, and so you put those into into a pile one corner of the table. You see that some pieces are the same shade of brown, so you place these in another pile. As we begin to see similarities in scriptures and truth, we file them away together into a corner of our mind.
So, just like with a puzzle, we can’t glance at the pieces once and see the big picture. Each time we look at an individual piece, we might see a different detail than we did the last time we picked it up to inspect it. And, as we begin to see similarities, and begin to recognize that a piece on one side of the table fits with a piece on the opposite side, the truth begins to become clearer.
We can’t read the Book of Mormon once as a teenager and then as an adult think we have all of the knowledge we need to see the big picture of truth. We must study each aspect of the Gospel. We must look at individual pieces and try to recognize where that piece of truth fits with the rest.
Unlike a typical puzzle that we might be imagining in our mind, where all of the pieces are relatively the same size, the scriptures contain some pieces of truth that are much bigger, much more important and much more significant to us personally than other pieces. And, we know that this puzzle will NEVER be completed in our mortal lives. Although the restored Gospel does have MOST of the pieces, and ALL of the crucial pieces, I know that there are still aspects of the puzzle that the Lord withholds from me until He knows that I am ready to have them. And some pieces He retains, to be discovered beyond the veil.
Our puzzles all come together at different times. We are all different, our understanding is different, our willingness to accept truth is different, our testimonies are different. I realize, in writing this, that my puzzle of Gospel truth is more clear than some, and much less clear than others. But, that’s O.K.! There are pieces that I have found that I might be able to help someone else discover, and pieces that I am stumped with, that someone else found easily and can help me to recognize. (after thought: how important it is that we are willing to help others with their puzzle and allow them to help us with ours. we are here to help each other get home.)
And, the beauty of the puzzle of God’s truth is, 1. He doesn’t expect us to have it all put together before we go home, and 2. He is there to help us if we but only ask.
So, back to the original question, “why daily scripture study is important to ME”. If my testimony of my need to raise mighty, confident, faithful young men is true, then I must ask myself what it is I must do to accomplish that. The first, most important thing is that I must trust that the Lord will make up for that which I lack as a mother and as a teacher. And then, I must study. I must become familiar with the examples in the scriptures of other mothers who I admire.
The first example I would look to is Mary. Although we don’t really know what she taught her Son, we do know that she loved Him. It is evident in the fact that she wept, when He was 12, and she found Him in the Temple after searching for three days. And we know that He loved her, because with His last breaths of mortal life, as his mother wept at the base of the cross, He wanted to be sure that she would be taken care of. I want that kind of love between my sons and myself.
Hannah, loved the Lord, she praised the Lord, and she trusted Him to take charge of her son Samuel. I want that kind of faith. To be able to hand my children over to Him and know that everything will be alright. And the mothers of the Stripling Warriors themselves. These boys had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before Him. And they had been taught by their mothers that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. I want to have enough faith in divine protection that my children will never doubt His power.
I long to be a strong mother like these valiant women in the scriptures. But how could I aspire to raise noble sons like they did if I don’t know their stories? If I haven’t searched my scriptures for their great examples? If I haven’t learned from their trials? If I haven’t cried with them in their sorrows, and rejoiced with them in their faith?
To really comprehend a truth, I believe it must become a part of you. Charity is not what the Savior has, it’s who He is. Gospel truth is not something we should seek to acquire, it’s what we should seek to become.
The mothers of Helaman’s warriors “knew it”, and they taught it to their sons. We have been taught through modern revelation, (D&C 11:21) “Seek not to declare my word, but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my Spirit and my word, yea, the power of God unto the convincing of men.” These faithful women could not “know” truth, they could not teach truth, until they had obtained it for themselves.
I am not a scriptorian by any means. And I am not nearly as diligent at scripture study as I would like to be or as I know I should be. But, I want to testify to you that every answer to every question we might have has been given to us through the word of God. There is not a trouble or a dilemma that He did not foresee, and that He has not already given us a solution to. The Iron Rod IS the Word of God, and if we let go of it, for even a day, we are left vulnerable and unprotected. I testify of the importance of putting on our armor every morning by reading our scriptures. Of arming ourselves with truth and knowledge and the protection of the Holy Spirit. As our world grows darker and more full of evil, that protection is becoming rapidly more crucial than ever. I know that my Savior loves me because He told His disciples to write what He taught. Not for their benefit, but for mine. And I know He is pleased with me when I regularly take His words of truth and make them a part of who I am becoming.
I leave you these word in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Equal Opportunity
“Inequality would exist as long as liberty existed…It would unavoidably result from that very liberty itself.” Alexander Hamilton
The freedoms we enjoy, as citizens of this great nation, create the inequality that some misunderstand as harmful to a society, when in fact, that inequality of persons is what has made this nation great from the beginning. The fact is, that we were all “created equal”.
“Article 1, section 1. All men are born equally free and independent, and have certain inherent and indefeasible rights…” (Constitution of Pennsylvania)
“We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights…” (U.S. Declaration of Independence)
We are equal, in the fact that we all have our agency. We are equal, in the fact that we all are encouraged by our Father to live up to our potential, to use the gifts and talents that each of us have been blessed with, to become our greatest self. Heavenly Father has never implied that any of us were created with the same talents, abilities, or ambitions as the next person. But He has given us all equally, the freedom to BE, and the freedom to DO.
Being American Citizens, we all have the right to pursue what makes us happy. To pursue a better job, a better income, our own business. The income or substance of one who works by the sweat of his brown to obtain it, does not rightfully belong to the one who chooses to acquire his means by the sweat of another’s. The oil which is in my lamp, be it spiritual oil or temporal, does not belong to him to who has chosen not to fill his own in the time, and by the means allotted him by God.
Please don’t misunderstand my position on this matter. I feel it necessary as a follower of Christ to help the unfortunate. To rise to the aide of those who may be in need. I recognize that there have been times in my own life in which I have been grateful to have been blessed by the help of others. But a “hand up” and a “hand out” are not the same.
A summary of Benjamin Franklin’s views on counter-productive compassion is as follows:
1. compassion which gives a drunk the means to increase drunkenness is counter-productive
2. compassion which breeds debilitating dependency and weakness is counter-productive
3. compassion which blunts the desire or necessity to work for a living is counter-productive
4. compassion which smothers the instinct to strive and excel is counter-productive
Sometimes the greatest help we can offer to others is a word of encouragement, a line of truth, an opportunity to recognize their God given abilities, and to help people to recognize the liberties, and freedom to succeed, that we are blessed with as Americans.
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“The founders…recognized that society should seek to provide equal opportunity but not expect equal results; provide equal freedom but not equal capacity; provide equal rights but not equal possessions; provide equal protection but not equal status; provide equal educational opportunities but not equal grades.” Cleon Skousen, The 5000 Year Leap
“The utopian schemes of leveling [redistribution of the wealth], and a community of goods [central ownership of all the means of production and distribution], are as visionary and impracticable as those which vest all property in the Crown. [These ideas] are arbitrary, despotic, and, in our government, unconstitutional.” Samuel Adams
What’s this life for?
So, I have been thinking about a question that came to me during General Conference this past weekend while President Uchtdorf was speaking.
***If life were only for the blink of an eye, what would I spend that brief moment doing?
Would I waste it away on meaningless, worldly endeavors? Or would I spend it doing good? Would I try to follow the Saviors teachings? Try to realize His plan for me and fulfill it?
Then I began to think about what I am spending my life doing. What is occupying most of my time? When we leave this life and are awakened to the reality of our mortal existence, we will realize that it was merely and most literally, “the blink of an eye”. Who knows how long ago our Father created our Spirits. And we know that we have eternity after we have passed from this life. My kids showed me an example of that reality for family home evening once. They put a string out the front door, through the house, and out the back door. Then they took a permanent marker and drew a dot on the string roughly in the center. The string represented our spiritual existence and the dot…our mortal life. The string started an unknown distance out the front door and continued an unknown distance out the back. That dot seemed so trivial compared to the length of the entire string. But, we know that that tiny dot is of utmost importance to everything that is on the other end of it. That dot determines how the rest of the string will look. If the string gets tattered or frayed at the dot, what will happen to the other end of the string? If the dot is reinforced and strengthened, how strong will the string now be?
So, I started to think about what is really important to me. What really will matter when we are past the dot on our journey along our personal string of existence?
What is it that I will be taking with me from my dot to eternity. My family was of the first things that came to mind. So I questioned, “am I giving adequate time to my family?” President Uchtdorf emphasized how important it is to “give our best personal self to those we love.” Being a home school mom I am with my kids ALL THE TIME. (Grin) I love it, but I know that quantity of time does not always equal quality time. I am teaching them, but am I giving them the attention, the quality attention, that says, “I love you and you are the most important person in my life”?
And my marriage… am I giving my husband the attention and devotion that he needs from me. Being so involved with schooling children and church callings and all the other things that happen in any given week, is my marriage suffering for it? L. Tom Perry said we must “place our marriage and proper rearing of our children of highest priority.” He also said that we need to help arm our kids from the fiery darts that they experience regularly, living in the world today. Am I taking time to teach my boys how to “put on their armor”? Am I a strength they can rely on if things get overwhelming to them?
And that brings me to… myself. Am I spending quality time for myself? I have always felt guilty and selfish for feeling that I don’t spend time for me. But, I have come to realize, through several different instances of inspiration and personal revelation, and a few Priesthood blessings, that it is vital that I take time for myself. God has created each of us with gifts and talents, and He has asked us to work on developing those. It isn’t selfish to spend time working on you. It isn’t selfish to want to strive to become the best you, the you that the Savior has planned for you to become.
Furthermore am I spending time with the Savior? Am I giving enough attention to my relationship with my Father in heaven? Am I doing all I can to make the Savior as familiar to me as I am to Him? (Henry B. Eyring)
I have come to realize over the years how ‘life sustaining’ it is for me to read my scriptures regularly. If I am not taking the time to read the Word of God, I suffer. And my family suffers. Mostly because when I am not feeling the closeness with God that I so enjoy I become irritable. Even to the point (if I let it go too long) of depression. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like I am floating along but not really connected with…anything really. I feel distant and alone. It took me a long time to make the connection between what I was feeling and what I wasn’t doing. For years I thought it was something I had done, some sin I needed to repent of, that caused me to feel so disconnected with the Spirit. Finally my eyes were opened to what was truly going on. It wasn’t anything I had done, it was what I wasn’t doing that was causing my emotions. I know that I am supposed to read my scriptures often. I know everyone should, but I feel as though, through tough love, the Lord has to remind me that it is of utmost importance that I read His word often. He is teaching me that, for whatever reason, I cannot function without His word. I cannot become my best, truest self without reading my scriptures often.
Take the time to serve! By pondering what brings me joy I have realized the service brings me so much joy. Like most people, I would have to say that I am the one who benefits most from serving others. I feel so full of the Spirit and feel like I really am doing the Lords work. I had a day a few years ago that through a series of events wound up being a day of service. My family was able to help clean the church building in the morning, serve someone in the afternoon and then prepare and serve a meal for a ward party. That day was one of the most joyful, Spirit filled days that I have yet to experience. Nothing I did was an amazing act of charity, but it was enough to cause me to feel like I was a part of God’s plan. That I was helping to build up His kingdom. That I was in the service of my God.
There are a countless myriad of things that compete for our time in this life. Some are worldly. Some influenced by the one who would rather us waste away our time on meaningless tasks. But some, some will aid our struggle to get home. Some will make this dot of a mortal existence worth while. Which of these competitors will bring me the results I desire? What will I look back on from the other side of the veil and say to myself, “I’m so glad I took time for that”, ” I’m so grateful I had time with that person”, or “Thank you Heavenly Father for allowing me the time to do that”. Will I see my life as a success or a failure…a waste of a blink?
I pray that I will have the wisdom to prioritize my life. To recognize the things that matter most to me, and the things that matter most to my Creator. I pray that when I stand before Him at the judgement seat that He and I both will be satisfied with the way I spent this precious time.
The time that my Father has so graciously blessed me with.
Why We Homeschool
You might be wondering, “why would someone home school their children?” For most homeschoolers, the answers are very individual and sometimes personal. My answer is simply, “I know this is what the Lord wants me to do.” This is what is best for my family at this time. Simple!
In our homeschool group a couple weeks ago we (the moms) were asked to write briefly, and share with the group, “My Vision of Homeschooling”…. Yes, homeschooling isn’t just for the kids. We as mentors/educators also follow the theory of continuing our education. We want our kids to be inspired by us, by watching how much we enjoy learning, and to be motivated by our excitement of learning…. Anyway, “My Vision of Homeschooling”, and “What difference do you think it will make in your family” were the questions presented to us. At first, I was at a loss for words. I knew I was ‘supposed’ to homeschool. I knew I had had several confirmations revealed to me over the course of the three years we have been doing it. But, I never really put to words “why”.
As I wrote, I again got the confirming feeling that, “yes, this is right.” As the women, one by one stood up and read what they had written I recognized a pattern. Each answer, although very individual to their own family situation, revealed the fact that the Lord’s hand was in it. Each page that was read brought tears to all of us. We all recognized and shared their frustration and joy when they revealed that some days they forget ‘why’, and some days they KNOW ‘why’.
My answer was a little sporadic because of the amount of time we had and because I just jotted down thoughts as they came, but, here it is…
I feel it so important to raise my children with the gospel in their lives. I desire for my boys to be leaders, to be strong enough to carry others when necessary. I know that a secular education lacks real life fundamentals. I want them to be able to have the time and the drive to pursue their interests and dreams and not have their time swamped with learning things that will be of no value to them in the future. I want them to enjoy learning and to make learning a part of their lives forever. I want to be the one who molds them, with the help of God, into who they will become. That is MY responsibility as their mother. I don’t want to leave that important (sacred) task in the hands of any institution with values that don’t match that of our families. I feel strongly that this is what I need to be doing. I know that the Lord has guided me to homeschooling.
*faith – morals – values – ambition – drive – confidence – brave – inspired – trust in God – independence – to be thinkers* (words/phrases that came to me, as I listened to others, about what I want my boys to be. What is my job to teach them)
There is one mom in our group who is so sweet, and so inspiring. She barely speaks any English, but she read her thought to us in spite of the language differences. She said a couple things that really stood out to me, she mentioned how great it is that in this country we have the freedom to choose to homeschool our kids. What a wonderful point that was! We sometimes take for granted the fact that we do have freedoms as American citizens. And those are freedoms that we should fight to conserve. (but that’s another passionate subject that I will hold off on writing about until later.) She also said something that was so inspiring to me. She said, “I homeschool my kids to make the world a better place.” Amazing! Even now, that thought does something to me. It inspires me to want to do better, to try harder, to love my course of action even more.
“Be the change you want to see in the world” Mahatma Gandhi. Not only that, but, we must “teach” the change we want to see in the world.
I want my boys to be leaders. Leaders of what? Their families, their Church groups, their communities, maybe even their country. Who knows how far that skill of leadership can and will take them. Who knows what difference my child could make to one person, or to a nation. It is my duty to prepare them. My responsibility to nurture in them goodness and love, leadership and direction, goals and motivation, vision.
The Family – A Proclamation to the World, teaches us of our responsibility as mortal parents to His spirit children. “…Children are an heritage of the Lord. (Psalm 127:3) Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to TEACH them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live…Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” All of these values teach our children to be virtuous and moral leaders. President Gordon B. Hinkley said, “The strength of any nation is rooted within the walls of it’s homes.” This is why I homeschool my boys. This is why I feel it my responsibility… To teach the change I want to see in the world.
A Little About Me
My name is DaLaina. I am a wife and a mother of 4 amazing boys. We live in beautiful Colorado. We home school. We are vegetarian (not vegan). We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints!
withallthyheart 